One can either have great art or great life

I’ve spent seven years meditating on this statement, and I always arrive at the same conclusion: it is true. 

It is true because great art and great life both require great sacrifice and, ultimately, every artist will choose whether it is her art or her life which will give way to make the other preeminent.

Twenty years ago, I would easily have given my life for the sake of making great art. I never dreamed of getting married, having children, or working a ‘real’ job. Creating in the rehearsal room and performing on the stage were the only places I felt at home, the only spaces where I felt alive. My purpose and passion were completely fulfilled in producing art.

But at the age of twenty, I made a life-altering decision (which I will share in a later post)

Nicole, Michael, and Maren

that led to me getting married a year later. It quickly became clear that I needed to focus on my marriage if I wanted it to last. So I walked off the stage for a then-undetermined amount of time that turned into five years of wondering if I would ever have another artistic opportunity.

I’ve now been married for almost twelve years, have a 3-year-old daughter, and am about to give birth to a second child this summer. And I am confident that the sacrifice I made at the beginning was more than worth it. My husband and I counsel couples every year, and I am constantly reminded that great marriages require great effort. I can honestly now say that if I never stepped on stage again, but succeeded as a wife and mother, then I would have no regrets.

Yet, I am somehow, still, an artist. As a member of Sandbox Theatre, I get to participate in making great art. I personally am not great, but because I work with an ensemble, because I rely on the collaborative efforts of a group of artists, I still receive the reward of producing excellent, original, inspiring art.

And I can do all this because I have a husband who is willing to make sacrifices for me. My husband understands that I don’t need to create and perform, but that I love doing it, with this company, towards these ends. Sandbox, too, makes sacrifices for me. Sandbox, too, understands that art is my joy but my family is my life, and that I am unwilling to give up this great life for the sake of art.

So, perhaps, one could say that I am unusually blessed to have both great art and great life, the seemingly impossible coexistence of incredibly difficult realities. And it does require daily sacrifices on many sides, from many people. But I think that this group effort towards greatness, in life and in art, is what makes both so very beautiful. Neither life nor art was ever intended to exist alone.  

-Nicole Devereaux

A Sandbox ensemble member since 2010, Nicole is the co-project lead for Sandbox’s 2012 production Beatnik Giselle.